Why we’re worse listeners than we think

We all think we do it… but we don’t

You probably think you’re a good listener. Most people do. I know I do.

But active listening is more than nodding along. It’s staying attentive and curious without quietly loading your reply while the other person is still talking.

To be a good listener, you need to talk less. A lot less.

Hold the silence for longer than feels comfortable. It is really hard to do, especially if you’re in a rush and under pressure.

People feel it when you do and your relationships change.

Check your listening mode.

There are three modes of listening. So ask yourself which one you’re in.

1) Listening to win – hunting for the advantage

2) Listening to fix – solution mode before they’ve finished

3) Listening to understand – genuinely curious, your agenda on pause

You probably spend more time in 1 and 2 than you’d like to admit. Aim for 3. It’s harder than it sounds.

Name it when it gets hard.

Try saying this: ‘I’m finding it difficult to listen to this right now.’

Just admitting that you’re finding it hard, showing that vulnerability, can help shift a conversation into territory you’d never reach otherwise.