Part of our guide on how to influence upwards

Mind the gap: even Directors rate themselves 6 out of 10

Over the past two years, more than half of the senior leaders who have joined our open influence programmes have been at Director level or above. There’s a President, a CEO, a COO and a Chief Customer Officer among them.

When we asked them, before they started, how confident they felt approaching influencing situations, the average answer was six out of ten.

That’s a striking number. These aren’t people who need to be taught what influence is. They’ve already influenced their way into senior roles. But in specific situations, most rate themselves in the middle. The pattern is remarkably consistent: they feel confident with their own teams, and less confident when the room includes more senior stakeholders, dominant personalities, or people they don’t yet know.

Confidence in influence isn’t a general trait. It shifts depending on who you’re trying to influence, and why. The same person who is unshakeable in a client pitch may quietly dread a difficult conversation with their manager. The same senior leader who commands a boardroom may struggle in a cross-functional group where they have no formal authority to fall back on.

We’ve built a short self-assessment to help you see where your gaps are. 

Part of our guide on how to influence upwards

Ever found yourself adding ‘maybe’ and ‘perhaps’?

A lot of people come on our programmes with an assumption that you can’t assert upwards. They often say things along the lines of ‘that wouldn’t work in our organisation’. And we’d argue that this simply isn’t true.

As long as your request is legitimate, there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t deliver your message with the language of Asserting.

It’s perfectly normal and appropriate to expect an annual performance review, for example. And so, saying: ‘I’d like you to allocate some time to my performance review’, is a totally reasonable request.

Indeed most leaders like people being assertive. By definition, if done well, it means the person is being clear, quick and direct.

Nevertheless, it can prove much harder than we expect. You enter the room with a clear idea of what you’re going to say, only to be derailed by worries about appearing rude or too demanding. Before you know it you find yourself peppering the conversation with words like ‘maybe’ and ‘perhaps’.

If that sounds like you, rest assured that you’re not alone. And that there is a better way.

Here are three tips to sharpen your asserting:

1. Watch your language

Say I not we. Asserting is person to person. Swap but for and. Cut maybe, perhaps or possibly. When you hedge, you blur. Be crystal clear about what you want.

2. Shift your mindset

You’re not being aggressive or rude – you’re being clear and inviting clarity back. You’re stating what you want to happen next. The other person still has a choice about how they respond. That’s healthy influence, not control.

3. Check your assumptions

Before you speak, ask: is what I want legitimate? Consider your role, your objectives, organisational priorities. If the answer is yes, Asserting isn’t just okay, it’s exactly the right move.

Part of our guide on how to influence upwards

And then, as you walk into the office, your brain chimes in with thoughts like:
‘This idea is flawed’
‘You are so naïve’
‘Your career is riding on this’

So you hedge and soften. You offer caveats and qualifiers. That once brilliant idea comes out as a timid suggestion. The Director has switched off and is heading to their next meeting.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Why it happens

There’s a well-worn pattern at play. You’re probably confident with peers. You probably nail it when you’re the expert in the room.

But when hierarchy enters the room – real or imagined – you second-guess yourself, worry about taking up time, become fearful of getting it wrong.

It’s not surprising. The stakes are real, access is limited, the power dynamic feels overwhelming. And it can feel personal.

Try this thought experiment

Want to interrupt that unhelpful voice?

Picture yourself as the boss. Who do you want to work with?

Someone who nervously tip-toes around the point? Or someone who respects your time with a clear, confident proposal?

Exactly.

Your senior leaders want the same thing. They don’t have time for twenty disclaimers. They need you to be clear, be direct, and trust that your idea is worth their time.

So put on your big boss pants and influence up.