Part of our guide on how to influence upwards

Ever found yourself adding ‘maybe’ and ‘perhaps’?

A lot of people come on our programmes with an assumption that you can’t assert upwards. They often say things along the lines of ‘that wouldn’t work in our organisation’. And we’d argue that this simply isn’t true.

As long as your request is legitimate, there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t deliver your message with the language of Asserting.

It’s perfectly normal and appropriate to expect an annual performance review, for example. And so, saying: ‘I’d like you to allocate some time to my performance review’, is a totally reasonable request.

Indeed most leaders like people being assertive. By definition, if done well, it means the person is being clear, quick and direct.

Nevertheless, it can prove much harder than we expect. You enter the room with a clear idea of what you’re going to say, only to be derailed by worries about appearing rude or too demanding. Before you know it you find yourself peppering the conversation with words like ‘maybe’ and ‘perhaps’.

If that sounds like you, rest assured that you’re not alone. And that there is a better way.

Here are three tips to sharpen your asserting:

1. Watch your language

Say I not we. Asserting is person to person. Swap but for and. Cut maybe, perhaps or possibly. When you hedge, you blur. Be crystal clear about what you want.

2. Shift your mindset

You’re not being aggressive or rude – you’re being clear and inviting clarity back. You’re stating what you want to happen next. The other person still has a choice about how they respond. That’s healthy influence, not control.

3. Check your assumptions

Before you speak, ask: is what I want legitimate? Consider your role, your objectives, organisational priorities. If the answer is yes, Asserting isn’t just okay, it’s exactly the right move.